


I Still Remember

by UnderTheGoldenLights (Samunderthelights)



Category: One Direction (Band), Real Person Fiction
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Don't copy to another site, Hand Jobs, Harry Styles Loves Louis Tomlinson, Larry Stylinson Is Real, Light Angst, Louis Tomlinson Loves Harry Styles, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentions of Eleanor - Freeform, Sexual Content, Shower Sex, Smut, The X Factor Era, flashbacks to, larry stylinson - Freeform, mentions of freddie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:40:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23979133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samunderthelights/pseuds/UnderTheGoldenLights
Summary: Louis shows up unannounced at Harry's place during lockdown.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Kudos: 76





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> I used to write One Direction fanfic back in the day, and I came back to write two stories more almost three years ago. But I have been a little bit out of it, I must admit!  
> I really enjoyed getting back into this fandom though, so who knows, there might be more where this came from!  
> Enjoy!  
> Xx

**2020**

Harry has been spending the last weeks hidden away in his London home, waiting for the lockdown to come to an end. He has gotten so used to the every day boredom, to the same old routine, that when the doorbell rings, it makes him jump up, for a moment not sure what the sound is.

  
But then he realises, and he hesitates to go and open the door, because he isn’t expecting anyone, and during this time, he doesn’t want to open the door for just any stranger. It wouldn’t be safe any day, but especially not now.

  
So he peeks through the window, hoping that whoever it is won’t notice him, that he can just leave them standing there. But when he recognises the man standing in front of the door, even though he has his back turned to him, his heart skips a beat, and he doesn’t hesitate to open it.

  
“Louis?”

  
“Hey, man,” Louis chuckles uncomfortably.

  
“What are you doing here? You are aware that we’re in the middle of a national lockdown, right?”

  
“I know.”

  
“So you figured this would be the right time to come all the way here?” Harry asks, but when Louis just shrugs his shoulders, he feels a grin taking over his face. “Come in.”

  
They go into the living room, where they sit down, a slightly uncomfortable atmosphere, because they haven’t actually seen or spoken to each other since they had run into each other last year at a birthday party of one of their mutual friends.

  
“So…,” Harry begins, but Louis doesn’t seem to be taking the hint that he should probably explain what he is doing in London. “Lockdown, huh?”

  
“Yeah.”

  
“Look, Louis,” Harry chuckles uncomfortably, “I don’t know what to say. What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at home with your family? With Eleanor? You know that if they take the next step in this lockdown, you might not be able to go home again, right? You might be stuck here for weeks.”

  
“I’m counting on it,” Louis says, but when Harry just keeps staring at him, trying to figure out what is happening, he flashes a crooked grin. “I miss you.”

  
“Then you should return my texts.”

  
“Yeah…”

  
Louis shrugs, before turning to look at the pictures on the wall. Most are of Harry and his family, but a few are of his time in the band, one taken on the day of his audition.

  
“I’ve been watching a lot of our old stuff,” Louis admits, when he turns to look at his former bandmate again. “Do you remember the video diaries we did?”

  
“Of course,” Harry laughs. “I watched them a couple of years ago. I have to say, it was pretty weird to see myself being so…”

  
“So what?”

  
“Obviously in love with you,” Harry chuckles. “I had no idea it was that obvious, until I watched it back. I thought no one knew, but…”

  
“Everyone knew,” Louis laughs.

  
“Yeah…”

  
“Watching it took me right back,” Louis admits. “There are all these videos, especially from our first tour… I didn’t know how much I missed it, until I saw how happy we were.”

  
“We were kids.”

  
“It wasn’t just that. The bigger it got, the more they started to control us, and I told myself that we had to accept it, that it was part of the deal. But looking back, I feel like they completely took over our lives.”

  
“Would you have done things differently? If they had let you?” Harry asks, but Louis just shrugs. “They were only trying to help.”

  
“Help who? Did it help you? When they told you to stop talking about me?” Louis asks, for the first time in all these years bringing this up. Harry figures he must have had too much time lately to think about things, so he doesn’t answer, not even sure what to say to him. “They wanted you to be straight, so we wouldn’t lose any fans. How was that helping you? They were only trying to help themselves.”

  
“I guess. But they never told me I couldn’t be…”

  
“Yeah, they did. I was there, remember?” Louis interrupts him.

  
“It’s not like people didn’t know.”

  
“But you weren’t allowed to confirm it or talk about it. They made you sign a contract, just to keep you quiet,” Louis says, and Harry can’t help but smile when he sees how worked up he is getting over it. Because when it had happened, they had all simply agreed to it, too new to the industry, too young to know how else to handle it. “We should have told them to fuck off.”

  
“All of this is coming from you watching our old videos again?” Harry laughs, but when he sees the blush on the other man’s face, he knows that there is more to this. “I know it was far from perfect, especially towards the end, but you can’t deny that we had a good time, right? Imagine if we had told them to fuck off, and they had decided to drop us, and put their energy in some other band. We would have missed out on… I don’t know, making records, seeing the world.”

  
“It just feels fucked up, the way our lives were taken away from us.”

  
“Would you have done things differently?” Harry asks. “Other than taking more time off, spending more time with your family… would you really have changed anything? It was good, right?”

  
“If I could start over, I wouldn’t have let them take over. That really fucked with my head, Harry,” Louis admits. “All these rules, what we had to do, what we couldn’t do… why do you think I started doing drugs in the first place? I felt like I was losing myself. I would look in the mirror, and I wouldn’t even recognise myself. I could only see the guy they had made of me. I wasn’t myself anymore.”

  
Harry can see how Louis is still hurting, not only because of what he had gone through back then, but also because of everything that has happened in his family the last years. It had sent him to a really dark place, and it had taken him a long time to come out of it. But it has clearly left his scars.

  
“Are you okay?” Harry asks, but Louis shrugs, avoiding his eyes. “You’re not doing drugs again, are you?”

  
“No. But all of this… you know what I’m like. When I have too much time to think, I just… I don’t know,” he sighs, but Harry can see that there are words trying to fight their way out of him. “I felt like I had to come here and talk to you.”

  
“You know I don’t hold anything that happened between us against you, don’t you?” Harry asks, but Louis is still avoiding his eyes. “It wasn’t your fault, them forcing me to keep quiet.”

  
“I feel like a hypocrite.”

  
“Why?”

  
“Because I sat there, and I watched them forcing you to sign a fucking contract. I heard the things they threatened you with… you had to put up with that shit, and I just sat there. I didn’t do anything.”

  
“I never told them what happened,” Harry says, but it just brings tears to Louis’ eyes. “I didn’t tell anyone. They didn’t know, Louis. In their eyes, you were just the guy I was obsessed with.”

  
“You didn’t tell the guys?”

  
“Of course not. It was none of their business,” Harry says, before flashing a reassuring smile. “Did you really think I was upset with you?”

  
“I feel like I dropped you in it. We were supposed to be best mates, and I let you take the wrap for all of it.”

  
“You didn’t, and I’m not upset with you. Or with the guys. It was just part of being ‘One Direction’. You had to stick to the rules and do what they told you to do, and in my case that was playing straight.”

  
“You weren’t very good at it.”

  
“I know,” Harry laughs, “I wasn’t exactly trying, was I?”

  
“I’m sorry, man.”

  
“We’re all good. So how about a drink, seeing as you came all this way.”

  
“Sure,” Louis says, and Harry gets up. “Haz?” Louis asks, just as he is about to leave the room, so he turns back around, and he gives a nod. “I’m sorry, for what I said to you. You know, after we…”

  
“I know,” Harry says, flashing a small, uncomfortable smile, remembering the exact words Louis is talking about. “But I know you didn’t mean it. You were just freaking out.”

  
“I was scared, but that gave me no right to call you…”

  
“Don’t,” Harry warns him. “I know why you said it, but I don’t want to talk about it. So lets just have a drink, yeah?”

* * *

  
_  
**2010** _

_Harry has just come out of the shower, and he lets out a yawn, ready to go to bed after a long day. He steps back into his and Louis’ room, which they are sharing for the night, while the whole X-Factor team is on a little trip, but when he sees Louis lying on his half of the bed, his eyes closed, his mouth opened every so slightly, he can’t help but wonder if he is okay. But when he glances down, and he realises that he is touching himself underneath the covers, it sends a rush of adrenaline through his veins._

_  
He quietly goes over to the bed, and only when he sits down on the side, does Louis notice him. He realises he has just been caught out, so he quickly lets go of his dick, a dark blush now on his face._

_  
“I’m sorry, I…”_

_  
“Don’t mind me.” Harry shrugs, unable to hide the big grin on his face. “Or I could finish it for you?” he suggests, Louis not even shocked at the suggestion. Harry has offered to give him head so many times, that he has gotten used to it by now. But every time he had laughed it off, together with the rest of Harry’s flirting, and when Harry had tried to kiss him once, he had simply turned his head away, and they hadn’t talked about it._

_  
“I’m pretty good at it,” Harry says, already pulling away the covers, “Or so I’ve been told.”_

_  
“Yeah?” Louis laughs, not stopping his bandmate when he moves closer towards him, already getting ready for what is coming next. “Haz…”_

_  
“Don’t worry, it’s just a blowjob,” Harry says, before grabbing a hold of his best friend’s dick, and taking it into his mouth. Louis lets out a whimper, tilting his head back into the pillow, the sensation of Harry’s warm mouth almost too much to bear. But after a minute or two, he places his hand on the back of Harry’s head, guiding him to let his dick slide all the way in to the back of his throat, and just seeing Harry’s eyes growing even brighter, even more excited, it is almost enough to make him come right then and there._

_  
Harry seems to know, because he takes his mouth away from his dick, his pillowy lips glistening in the light, as he flashes a big, mischievous grin. Louis just shakes his head, smiling to himself. Harry then lets his tongue tease over the length of Louis’ dick, before letting it play with the head, the feeling making Louis whimper again. And when he sees Harry licking the pre-cum up, before licking his lips, a pleased grin on his face, he knows he will have to close his eyes, the sight simply too much to bear._

_  
“Fuck!” he spits out, but it doesn’t stop Harry, who is ready to make him come, as he lets his dick slide all the way back to his throat again, where he lets it stay for the longest time, making Louis clench his fists into the sheets._

_  
Harry feels another rush of adrenaline rushing through his veins, as Louis comes, letting out a satisfied groan. So he keeps on sucking his dick, making sure not to let a single drop of cum go to waste, before finally sitting up._

_  
“Good, right?” He grins, but Louis just hits him in the stomach, a playful smile on his face as he is still trying to catch his breath._

_  
Harry lies down next to him, and he folds his hands underneath his head, before closing his eyes, still enjoying what has just happened. But when he feels Louis’ mouth on his, he opens his eyes, and he kisses him back, shocked, but not at all displeased at this turn of events._

_  
They keep kissing, until Louis’ hand makes its way down to the towel which is still wrapped around Harry’s waist. Harry can feel him fumbling to open it up, so he breaks their kiss, and he grabs hold of the towel, pulls it off, and throws it down on the floor. And when he looks down at his hard dick, he flashes a sheepish grin._

_  
Louis brings his hand up to his mouth, before spitting into it, and bringing it down to Harry’s dick. He hesitates for a split-second, before beginning to stroke it. His touch is still careful, and a little nervous, but when Harry begins to kiss him again, he seems to find his confidence, and within no time at all, Harry collapses forward into his best friend’s chest, Louis’ hand still gently stroking him through his orgasm._

_  
“Shit,” Louis laughs, before wiping his hand on the sheet, his face flushed. “Are you okay?”_

__  
“Mhm,” Harry mumbles, his heartbeat still going a little too fast. But when Louis kisses him again, he can’t help but smile, having dreamt of this moment ever since they had first met.  



	2. Chapter 2

_  
**2010** _

_Harry had fallen asleep in Louis’ arms, and he had gone to sleep with the biggest smile on his face. But as soon as he wakes up, he can sense that something has changed. Louis is fully dressed and sitting on the couch, his legs pulled up to his chest, his eyes dark, as though he hasn’t slept at all._

_  
“Are you okay?” Harry asks, even though he already knows the answer._

_  
“No.”_

_  
“Because of what happened last night?”_

_  
“I shouldn’t have let you touch me,” Louis spits out, a disgusted look on his face, so Harry gets out of bed, and he goes over to him, but when he tries to wrap his arms around him, Louis pushes him off. “I’m not a faggot like you!”_

_  
Harry is too shocked, too hurt by his words, so he just stands there, tears slowly starting to build up. He doesn’t bother trying to fight them though._

_  
“Haz…”_

_  
“I know. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone what happened,” Harry says, and without saying another word, he goes into the bathroom, the tears already falling from his eyes._

* * *

_It’s been almost a week since their fight, and although people are noticing the tension between the two best friends, who are usually spending their every minute together, they are simply putting it to exhaustion. Everyone is starting to get a little on edge, so the two boys’ behaviour isn’t an exception._

_  
Harry can’t stand the silence between him and Louis though, and when Louis comes into their bedroom one night, he gets up to leave, not ready for more awkward silence. But Louis stops him, a guilty look on his face._

_  
“I’m sorry for what I said. I shouldn’t have called you that. You know I didn’t mean it, right? I don’t care that you’re into guys, Haz,” Louis says, but Harry still feels a heavy weight in the pit of his stomach, every time he thinks back to that morning, so he just shrugs. “Please.”_

_  
“You know I’m in love with you, and that what we did… you know what it meant to me,” Harry admits. “Don’t worry, because I know that it didn’t mean the same to you, but you didn’t have to treat me like it was just some…”_

_  
“I know,” Louis quickly says, before putting his hands on the sides of Harry’s neck. “I’m so sorry, Haz. I didn’t mean it. I got scared, okay?”_

_  
“That’s no excuse.”_

_  
“I know. But I love you, and I don’t want this to fuck up what we have. You’re my best mate.”_

_  
“I love you, too,” Harry mumbles, and when Louis pulls him in for a hug, he can’t help but smile, Louis’ touch still feeling like the best thing in the world to him. “Louis?”_

_  
“Yeah?”_

_  
“Do you really regret what we did?”_

_  
“No. Do you?”_

_  
“Never.”  
_

* * *

**2020**

Harry and Louis had had a few beers together, and after a little more tension between them, they had started to reminisce about their time on the X-Factor, about their first tour, about the crazy things they had seen. It had been great to remember those times together, but Harry still wasn’t sure why Louis had come to see him. If he had wanted to apologise, he could have simply given him a call, or they could have talked once lockdown is over. But him coming over, in the middle of a national health crisis, there seems more to it. It feels like he hasn’t said everything he has to say. But as the night had gone on, Harry could tell that Louis wasn’t going to tell him. Not yet at least. So after a few drinks, they had gone upstairs, and he had shown Louis the guestroom, where he had left him, before heading off to his own room.

  
He is just taking a shower before bed, still trying to wrap his head around Louis showing up out of the blue. But when he feels a hand on his back, he jumps up, only to find Louis standing behind him, a blush on his face.

  
“What are you doing?” Harry laughs, but when Louis ignores his question, and instead kisses him, it finally hits him that this is why Louis is here. That this is why he was getting so worked up over what had happened all those years ago. “Louis…”

  
“I have been wanting to do this for years,” Louis admits, as he lets his hands wander down to Harry’s ass. “But they told me, Haz…”

  
“Told you what?”

  
“They told me, even before they made you sign that contract,” he tries to explain, as he buries his face into his former bandmate’s neck, before kissing his skin.

  
“Louis, what did they tell you?”

  
“That I couldn’t give in to your ‘crush’, they called it,” he mumbles, his hands now gripping so tightly onto Harry’s back that it is starting to hurt. “They told me we would never go anywhere if I gave into it.”

  
“But…”

  
“They told me we would lose our fans,” Louis admits, “So I tried, Harry. I tried so fucking hard to ignore you. To act like I didn’t care about you.”

  
“Why didn’t you tell me?”

  
“They told me not to.”

  
“We could have kept it to ourselves. No one would have found out,” Harry tries, but when Louis kisses his neck, he stops him, and he grabs his face and makes him look him in the eyes. “Why did you let them do that to you, huh?”

  
“I was scared. I didn’t want to fuck it up for everyone. So I really tried, but then people came up with ‘Larry’, and it just… it fucked with my head so bad,” Louis admits, and for a moment, he seems like the young man Harry had met all those years ago. “I fought so hard against it, trying to convince myself that they were wrong. That they were seeing things that weren’t there. But when I watched those old videos, when I saw us… _they_ took that away from us. They made us change. I couldn’t even sit next to you anymore, or mention your name in interviews… they did that.”

  
“I know,” Harry sighs.

  
“You have no idea how many times I almost kissed you, or how many times I wrote a text to tell you I loved you. But I never sent it, because I was too scared to fuck things up.”

  
Harry isn’t sure what to do with all of this, but still he keeps his arms around the other man, definitely sure that he doesn’t want to let go of him. He kisses the top of his head, but when Louis kisses his neck, his hands sliding down to his ass again, he stops him.

  
“What about Eleanor?”

  
“What about her?”

  
“This isn’t fair on her,” Harry says, but when he sees the smile on Louis’ face, he shakes his head, not understanding.

  
“She knows. She’s my mate, but that’s it.”

  
“None of it was real?”

  
“It was, the first time. Or I tried to make it real. But she knows I’m gay. I told her when we started talking again,” Louis explains. “I told my family, too.”

  
“I’m proud of you.” Harry smiles, and this time when Louis kisses him, he doesn’t stop him. He lets Louis kiss him, and caress his body, from his arms, to his chest, down to his thighs, until his hand finally lands on his dick. He begins to stroke him, gently at first, before beginning to pump away with such force, that Harry stops kissing him.

  
“Shit,” he laughs, a sheepish look on Louis’ face.

  
“Sorry…”

  
“You like it that rough?” Harry laughs, but Louis ignores him, and instead he begins to kiss him, the water still crashing down on them. Louis wraps his arms around Harry again, and he caresses his back, letting his hands slowly trail back down to his ass, still kissing him all the time. But then he brings his mouth up to the other man’s ear.

  
“I want you to fuck me,” he whispers, and when he looks back up, Harry has the biggest grin on his face. “I’ve been wanting you to fuck me since the first time we met… fuck, all the times we shared a room…”

  
“You really should have told me.” Harry grins, before kissing him again. But then he steps back, so Louis turns around, facing the wall. He places his hands on the wall, spreading his legs, ready for Harry to start fucking him right then and there. His impatience makes Harry laugh though, so he slaps his ass, and he leans over to bring his mouth up to his ear.

  
“I’m guessing there is no more foreplay?”

  
“Just fuck me,” Louis grits through his teeth, and Harry kisses his back, before stepping away from him, and stroking his dick to get hard. And although he has been with plenty of people over the last years, there is something about being here with Louis that makes him feel like he is a teenager again. He feels young, inexperienced and nervous. But he doesn’t let it stop him though, and when he’s hard, he takes his place behind Louis. He lets his finger tease over his entrance, before carefully pushing a finger in, just to see Louis’ reaction.

  
“Fuck!” he groans, but he leans back against Harry’s touch, desperate for more.

  
“Good?”

  
“I swear, if you don’t fuck me soon…”

  
“Yeah, what will you do to me?” Harry teases, his finger teasing in and out of Louis’ ass. “Have you done this before?”

  
“No,” Louis admits, as he looks over his shoulder. “Not with a real dick anyway.”

  
“Wow, Eleanor... wow… I didn’t think she had it in her.”

  
“She doesn’t.”

  
“Toys?” Harry suggests, and he can’t help but notice the blush on Louis’ face. “So you know what to expect?”

  
“Yeah, I know.” Louis nods, before facing the wall again. Harry takes his dick, and he carefully guides it into Louis, but when he hears him groaning, he gives it a minute, before pushing all the way in.

  
“Is this okay?” Harry asks, but Louis just nods. So Harry begins to thrust into him, slowly at first, before pounding into him harder, making him whimper at his every move. But when he tries to slow it down, Louis looks over his shoulder, his face even more flushed than it used to be after a show.

  
“More,” he growls, bringing a big grin to Harry’s face. Because who knew? He grabs onto Louis’ shoulders, giving him just that little bit more control, before thrusting into him again. And just hearing Louis’s sounds, hearing him begging for more, it makes Harry feel a high no show could ever give him.

  
“I’m going to come,” he groans, still pushing into Louis, and wanting nothing more than to make the moment last forever. But this is what he has been longing for ever since they had first met, what he didn’t think would ever happen. And being here, it is almost too much to wrap his head around.

  
He pulls out, his cum dripping out of Louis’ ass, and it sends another rush through him to see it. So he pushes back into him, riding out this high, until finally pulling out, and stepping away from him.

  
Louis turns to face him again, and for a split-second, Harry remembers what had happened the last time something had happened between them. Louis had freaked out, and they hadn’t spoken to each other for days. But this time Louis has a satisfied smile on his face, and he pulls him in for a kiss, his hands gripping tightly onto him, as though he is scared to lose him if he lets go.

  
“Let’s go to bed,” Harry says, and after getting cleaned up, they get out of the shower. They get into bed, and Louis curls up in the other man’s arms, that satisfied smile still on his face.

  
“Are you okay?”

  
“Mhm,” Louis mumbles. “I love you.”

  
“I love you, too,” Harry whispers, brushing his hand through Louis’ hair, as he watches him close his eyes, already half-asleep.

* * *

When Harry wakes up, and he finds that Louis is gone, a feeling of dread washes over him. He was half-expecting it though, so he puts on his dressing gown, before going downstairs, planning on making himself breakfast, before getting on with his usual routine. He is already telling himself that he should just pretend that last night hadn’t happened, that it will be better for not only himself, but for Louis too.

  
But when he gets downstairs, he finds Louis preparing breakfast with the few things he must have found in the fridge and the cupboards. Harry is so shocked to find him there, that all he can do is stare at him for a moment, before finally going up to him.

  
“’morning,” he says, still preparing himself for the worst, but Louis just turns to kiss him, before turning his attention back to breakfast. “How are you feeling?”

  
“A little sore,” Louis chuckles. “But happy. Happier than I’ve felt in a long time,” he admits, before turning to face Harry again.

“I meant what I said, Harry, I wanted this just as much as you did. But I was too much of a coward to tell you.”

  
“You weren’t a coward, Louis. You were trying to look out for everyone. I just wish you hadn’t, because look at what it did to you,” Harry sighs. “I hated seeing you on drugs. That wasn’t the guy I knew.”

  
“I didn’t know him either,” Louis admits. “But I am clean. I haven’t touched anything since I became a dad.”

  
“I know.”

  
“I want to be someone he can be proud of,” Louis says. “No more lying, or hiding, or… I don’t want him to grow up not knowing who I am.”

  
“And if people find out?”

  
“I don’t care anymore. What have I got to lose, huh?” Louis asks, and Harry can see the pain in his eyes, because he has lost so much already. “I love you, and I know that things are not the same for you, but…”

  
“You think I care if people find out I’m with you?” Harry laughs. “You saw the video diaries, right?” he asks, and Louis gets a shy smile on his face, before looking down at the floor. “Look, Louis, I wish I could stand here and say that it was some crush, like they made it out to be. That I’ve been over it for years. But I’m not over it, and you know it. But I don’t want this to be something you’re going to throw yourself into, just because you’re driving yourself insane in this lockdown. I still want you to be sure of this when life goes back to normal.”

  
“I’m not here because of what’s going on out there,” Louis says, now facing him again. “I mean, yeah, it gave me the time to watch our old stuff, and that’s why… I don’t know. Maybe I just needed to be reminded of who we were, before they tried to take it all away from us.”

  
“So when life goes back to normal…”

  
“Will it ever be normal?” Louis laughs. “You’re Harry Styles. You know your life is never going to be normal again, right?”

  
“It is, when I’m here, when I’m with my family. When I’m with you?” Harry asks, a dark blush now on Louis’ face. “They can’t control us anymore.”

  
“So if I were to kiss you right now…?”

  
“Well, we do have to make up for lost time,” Harry laughs, and Louis steps up to him, and grabs onto his hips.

  
“Does this mean you and I…?”

  
“I think it does,” Harry says, a smile forming on his lips. “Unless you want to go back to Eleanor, of course,” he teases, before giving Louis a quick kiss.

  
“I told you, she’s just a mate.”

  
“So you don’t have to rush back home just yet?”

  
“I can’t. We’re on lockdown, remember?”


End file.
